I really need to sign up for my schools text message alert thing. walking out across campus in the ice rain to an empty class room is no fun
"Today, America has the world’s greatest military full of brave men and women armed with the most powerful weaponry ever devised. And it is because I respect our troops so much that I need a fully automatic assault rifle with a 100 round magazine to kill them when they come for my guns."
— Stephen Colbert (via stogesbrosandhoes)
"There once was a man named Barack
whose reelection came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay, then turned marriage gay
and now he’s coming after your glock"
— Stephen Colbert (via gallifreyan-slayer)
"Mormonism is Jesus fan fiction"
— Stephen Colbert (via berommegeit)